Wednesday, October 20, 2010

El Roi

She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: "You are the God who sees me," for she said, "I have now seen the One who sees me." Genesis 16:13

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.  Jer. 31:3

So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. Luke 15:20

My friend saw this picture of my nephew Mason and exclaimed: “Oh, I just want to hug him!” You really, really do just want to scoop him up, hold him, and just love on him! Nothing brings a more beautiful smile to both the holder and the held. Upon those words, my heart wondered: "Is this how you see me, Abba?" Immediately my Abba whispered…”Yes! That is exactly what I keep saying of you, Michelle.” Those words kept resonating again and again…”Oh, I just want to hold you…oh, feel me holding you.”

That day my Abba was calling, I was visiting my nephew for his birthday celebration. Celebration quickly turned to concern as Mason fell very ill. He remained ill for almost two weeks. For days, Mason would wake from his sleep and find the energy to walk around until he found his dad. Then he would fall into his dad's arms, rest, and wait for his healing to come.

In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. Psalm 18:6

When our hearts are a mess, we tend to want to hide until we are more "presentable" and more "desirable" to be held. Hagar was a mess when YHWH found her. The wayward son was a mess when his father held him. David was a mess when EL SHADDAI rescued him. Reminding me all the more that however I am, He still sees, He still holds, He still comforts, He still every way. Both, when I am happy and "look good," and when I am an absolute mess in every way. Just fall into His arms and let Him be Dad. Always.

So much of this truth is in Psalm 139. Take each line out of familiarity and read with Him. See with Him.

Psalm 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Enjoy Him, Michelle